Manu Jokes

A Manc walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter
and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got
one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black
Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the
meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their
overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Manc said "You're bull****ting me!"

The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

**************************

Police cordoned off Manchester City Centre this morning when a suspicious
object was discovered.

It later turned out to be a tax disc.

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A Manc walks into a bar in Liverpool dressed up in his new Man U shirt and
orders a drink before noticing a picture of Liverpool FC on the wall.

He was just about to leave when the barman says: "Where do you think you're
going?" The Manc replies: "I'm sorry, I just noticed the picture of
Liverpool FC there and I think I'd better leave,"
The barman says: "No no no. It's too late for that. You've got to roll the
dice Pal,"
The Manc looks puzzled and says: "Roll the dice?"
The Barman replies: "Yeh, if you roll between 1 and 5 we kick the crap out
of you,"
The Manc says: "What if I roll a 6?"
The barman replies: "You get another go."

***********************

A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Man U fan. She asks
her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Man U fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher
looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your
hand?"
"Because I'm not a Man U fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Man U fan, then
who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Liverpool fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could
not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Liverpool fan?"
"Because my mum is a Liverpool fan, and my dad is a Liverpool fan, so I'm a
Liverpool fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason
for you to be a Liverpool fan. You don't have to be just like your parents
all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a drug
addict,what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Man U fan."

**********************************

You are locked in a room with a Lion, a Cobra and a Manc.
You have a gun with only 2 bullets
Who do you shoot?
The Manc..... Twice, just to be sure !!

[braidman]

Iv'e had funnier hook pulls than that

[WHEEZY]

Originally Posted by braidman

Iv'e had funnier hook pulls than that

good its not only me who gets them

[braidman]

Originally Posted by WHEEZY

good its not only me who gets them

no that was just a comment you are the only one who gets em

[WHEEZY]

thanks pal still in pain from the last one

[gazza]

BRING BACK THE KARMA NOW!!!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha thought you might like them gazza

[Baza]

phwahahahahahahaha love em mate.

let's leave that karma where it is i went down to -200 for mentioning certain football teams

[Rick]

lol..Phils looking for his first bite of the season

[Stig]

Why does the Mersey run through Liverpool...

Coz if it walked it would get mugged


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What do ya call the scouser in the white shell suit...

The bride

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Why have seagulls got wings .....

To beat the scousers to the rubbish dump

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If you see a scouser on a push bike why dont you swerve to hit him ...

Coz its probably your bike he's riding

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Whats the difference between a scouser and a cocconut...

Ones thick and hairy and the others a cocconut

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What do you say to a scouser in a uniform.....

Big mac & fries please

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Loads of police were called to the town hall in liverpool to investigate a totally new and unique happening.

Someone had been in and paid their rent and everyone wated to know where he got the money from.

__________________________________________________ ______________

Just a few dittys for ya Phil i may not live there anymore (i got out alive) however the Stigmeister is born and bred

MANCUNIAN& proud of it

[shaun]

ha ha nice one

[Rick]

GO ON STIG..Represent mate

[Stig]

Bay watch Liverpool style




Photo taken atLiverpool airport



SCOUSERS KEYBOARD

[Bet]

hahaha ROFLMAO

[braidman]

revenge is sweet............ lol