The Joke off Thread

[fatboyslim]

guy comes home to find his pet parrot has eaten a viagra,so he puts him in the freezer to cool down.

After a few hours he opens the freezer door to find the parrot sweating

"How come you sweating" he asks the parrot?

Parrot replies "do you know how hard it is to separate those chicken legs"

[kermit]

Originally Posted by fatboyslim

guy comes home to find his pet parrot has eaten a viagra,so he puts him in the freezer to cool down.

After a few hours he opens the freezer door to find the parrot sweating

"How come you sweating" he asks the parrot?

Parrot replies "do you know how hard it is to separate those chicken legs"

7.5 out of 10

Reminded me of another joke entirely so punchline came as a pleasant surprise!

[jonnyg]

what is yellow and black, with a really tight c**t at one end?














































A netto bag hahahahahaha

[steve hurst]

What's 100ft long and smells of p1$$?

The queue at Aldi...

I had a w*nk over an ex girlfriend last night.........

I know its wrong, but I still have a key and she's a heavy sleeper.

[BRAD]

Originally Posted by amateurblanker

I had a w*nk over an ex girlfriend last night.........

I know its wrong, but I still have a key and she's a heavy sleeper.

haha rofl

[famus]

two women on a nite on the town decide 2 cut through a cemetry on the way home.hlf way through nature calls,after releaving herself woman 1 uses her nickers 2 have a wipe,women number 2 relives herself 2 but uses an old wreath 2 wipe.the next day the womens husbands meet in the pub,husband no1 says il have 2 watch the wife,she came home drunk last nite with no nickers on.husband no2 says thats nothing,my wife came home with a card wedged between her cheeks reading wel never forget you from all the lads at the fire station

[BRAD]

haha flmao
thats gotta be a 9

[MANAGER]

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Sheila, about to throw herself off.

Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce, Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great sh*g, but you're a real sport too."
And drives off.
__

[MANAGER]

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were only 3 survivors; David, Darren and Tracy. They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.



After several years of casual sex, Tracy found God and started to feel horrible about what she had been doing with both David and Darren. The shame grew and eventually she killed herself.



It was very tragic but David and Darren somehow managed to get through it and after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.



Well, a couple more years went by and David and Darren began to feel horrible about what they were doing.























So they buried her.

Originally Posted by MANAGER

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Sheila, about to throw herself off.

Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce, Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great sh*g, but you're a real sport too."
And drives off.
__

9.5 out of ten!!!!!

Originally Posted by MANAGER

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were only 3 survivors; David, Darren and Tracy. They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.



After several years of casual sex, Tracy found God and started to feel horrible about what she had been doing with both David and Darren. The shame grew and eventually she killed herself.



It was very tragic but David and Darren somehow managed to get through it and after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.



Well, a couple more years went by and David and Darren began to feel horrible about what they were doing.























So they buried her.

we need a puke emoticon lol!!

Funny but sick

[Teekay]

Two Dyslexics were watching TV when one said to the other "Can you smell Gas?" The other replied "Can I f**k, I cant even smell my own name"
Teekay

[steve hurst]

Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and a Welshman get captured in Afghanistan by the Taliban. They each have one last request before being shot.

"I want to see 1000 Welshmen singing Lands of our Fathers" said the Welshman.

"I want 1000 bagpipers to play Flower of Scotland" said the Scotsman.

"I want to see 1000 Irishmen performing the Riverdance" says the Irishman.

The Englishman turns around and says "Make sure you f*****g shoot me first!"

[stes]

lol