some posh n becks jokes

#1 (**permalink**) 02-05-2006, 06:11 PM

Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six
o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump of the bridge
Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!" To
which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."so they shake
hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough,
the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes 5,000
out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh but she refuses it.
I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating.
I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
"No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square
I was cheating Just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just
didn't think he would
do it again."

------------------------------------------

The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday just before
the game, when Zidane walks in.

"Boss," he says,"there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a
cortisone injection."

"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."

---------------------------------------------

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the Kitchen
department of a large department store.

"What's that?"he asks

"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.

"What does it do?"asks Becks.

The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his nexttraining
session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos
flask."

The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David.

"And what have you got in it?" ask the lads. "Two cups of coffee and a
Choc ice," replies David.

-----------------------------------------------

Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed.
The mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world
decides
to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents out," he
says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into
place".

So she takes the car home and tries it.

David spots her from the house and shouts "You silly cow! You have to wind
the windows up first!"

---------------------------------------------

David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shout happily.

Posh asks him why he is celebrating.

He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days."

"Is that good?" asks Posh.

You bet, says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

---------------------------------------------

David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he
went riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking
up and down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it
was no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell headfirst to the
ground.
His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or
even slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending.
Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth's'
manager came along and unplugged it.

---------------------------------------------
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it
but couldn't the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the
farmhouse
and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes
in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the
other
and smiling happily.

"What happened?" asked Posh.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave
me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm
Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."

TheDoctor46 · #2 (**permalink**) 02-05-2006, 06:15 PM

PMSL all good them phil lol!

davidg · #3 (**permalink**) 02-05-2006, 06:59 PM

Where do you get them from Phil. Classic

kevw · #4 (**permalink**) 02-05-2006, 10:40 PM

Little known fact but David Beckham also applied for the England manager job.

He went through the various interview stages ok, last of which was a presentation on a topic selected by the FA.

"Well," started Beckham, "In the late 70's/early 80's when they first came onto the market, they were sold in small, clear plastic rectangular containers. Initially only mint was available, however orange and lime quickly followed....."

"Can I just stop you there, David," interrupted Trevor Brooking.
"We asked for a presentation on modern day tactics............"