twenty scousers turn up at heavens pearly gates, St. Peter says "I'm sorry lads but we've only got room for four of you, so I'll leave you to decide who's coming in". Five minutes later St. Peter says to God "I don't believe it, they've gone", God says "what, all twenty of them?" St. Peter says "no, the f*cking gates!"
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if nobody saw you do it then it didn't really happen 
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